Smackdown! GenX vs. GenY

An Open Letter to the Youths of Today Who Utilize MySpace:

Look kids, I know that your internet image is very important to you. I get that you cruise around on MySpace like I used to cruise around in cars. To look cool. And to find boys. I totally understand that the bowels of the World Wide Web are 2008's stomping/training grounds. I am not without a smidgen of sympathy for you, however small.

But quite frankly, I seem to be up on this whole 2008 business more than some of y'all. And I am fucking 39-years-old! It is pitiful that I have more game than many of you do, truly it is. Because back when I was your age, 39 did not understand a goddamned thing. 39 was outdated and embarrassing. Sadly, I have just recently become aware of this because I am doing some marketing work on MySpace for a friend of mine. Being forced to look at your pages is cringe-worthy, for the following various and sundry reasons:

1) Goth is out. Goth has been out for a very, very long time. Even Trent Reznor looks kept and clean these days.
2) 1995 graphic displays do nothing but make you appear out of touch and weird (and not in the good way). Also, my computer heaves and sputters at these graphics, which makes me fondly recall old school dialup.
3) Saying shit like "I am who I am! Love me or hate me!" will surely make most people hate you. Good call.
4) I don't need to see a picture of you puking on some club floor, dude.
5) I don't need to see every fucking picture you have ever taken, dude.
6) Finding IMDB photos for every single movie you enjoy seems like a complete waste of time to me, but that might just be 39 talking.
7) While I enjoy looking at/ogling over David Beckham as much as the next person (or anyone with eyes, really), 30 pictures? Really? 30?! (I counted, Y. I'm keeping track of your transgressions here.)
8) Internet quizzes are, like, so totally FUN! Here! Let me put ALL of them on my MySpace page!
9) Being in love is awesome. I am in full agreement with you on this. Mentioning your boyfriend/girlfriend 30 times on your page is not.
10) This sounds like a gimme, but seriously: why would you think I could read your page if your background is light blue and your font is light blue? Are you trying to singe retinas or something?

Y, you should know that I am very fond of you, in a general sense. We tend to get along smashingly well, probably because my maturity level usually hovers at around 17-18 on my good days. Some of my best friends belong to you, as does my semi-boyfriend. But my peeps seem to understand a concept that you do not, and it is very simple.

Sometimes, Y, less is more. Overkill is boring and tired. Please stop.

Forever Yours,
GenX